April 1, 2009


I've tried to keep my trap shut about the headband thing, because it's apparently so important to some moms that their kid is identifiably female, they don't care if she actually looks like a striped billiard ball--or worse, a rental flower arrangement at a funeral home.

But this, my silence has limits, and this crosses it.


Baby Bangs Ready2Wear Hairstyle + Hairbands! [babybangshairband.com via dt reader jason]
These, on the other hand: Damn, that is one tasty baby toupee!


Oh, wow. That's just HORRIBLE. I mean, that's right up there with baby high heels.
Bald babies are cute! And if you don't agree, like my mom, get a hat! Sheesh.
Who's betting these kids get mommy approved plastic surgery as teens?

Why does anybody think it's a good idea to put a noose - with or without attached bangs - around a baby's head?

... and after wearing that thing for a couple of months the child's head is formed into an attractive gourd shape...

Please tell me this an elaborate April Fool's joke.

We call those baby headbands "head garters" because that's exactly what they look like -- sexy garters for brides. I suppose it makes sense to repurpose them 9 months later (or less) for baby headwear.

However, that combined with added hair, well, it's quite an image.

dude. It says they're shipped "lightly fragranced."

seems like this might be a good fit for the friday freakout segment as well. what is it lightly fragranced with? sweet, elegant endorcrine disruptors?

How can we make sure everyone knows our new baby is a boy? Would it work to tape a Hot Wheels car to his head?

Life imitates art imitates life?

just use something manly, like duct tape

You know, 40 something years ago, after wrapping me in pink ruffles so that I resembled an infant-shaped confectionery, my mom still had to field daily questions about "what's his name?"

I'm sure it had something to do with my large, Q-ball haid.

She would have been first in line for one of these.

People are too sensitive. Which is probably the reason we don't just call a baby "it" until the parent keys us into whether it's a "he" or "she".

Is it more or less desirable to be asked, "How old is it?" It's a horrible passive-aggressive guessing game.

Wow, way to tell your child when they look back at their baby photos "you were almost good enough on your own merit, honey."

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