December 10, 2010

The Name Is Baby WEE-Pay

Remember when you got that email in 2004 asking you to send Costco baby wipes to the Troops because they were, uh, perfect for getting the Iraqi sand out of their rifles?

No? Remember when the company you'd just merged your company with during the dotcom boom brought you in on their first big consumer products web marketing strategy brainstorming session, and it turned out to be designing the website for Kimberley Clark's breakthrough wet toilet paper? And you had to sit there in the world's biggest cognitive dissonace field and listen to people whose job is to sell paper to people to wipe shit off their asses find a million and one ways to pretend it was about anything but that? And you heard the word "freshening" more times in an hour than you had in your entire life up to that point? And that was when you realized no matter what, your stock lockup could not. end. quickly. enough?

No? Oh.

Well, don't sweat it. Because Ken Wheaton explains the whole situation about adults wiping their butts with baby wipes with such clarity, even a Klingon could understand it.

They're called BABY Wipes [kenwheaton via the awl]


Yeah, only an eco-terrorist would use paper products so profligately-- everybody knows you should use one of these environmentally-friendly toilets that wash your ass with a gentle spritz and blow dry with warmed, purified air...

The whole 'baby wipe for adult' thing just creeps me out. No good reason why, I guess.

It sure seems like we, as Americans, get fatter, dumber and lazier all the time. And we spend SOOOO much money to do it as well.

SURE America, pamper yourself a bit more. Buy the $4 coffee, buy the extra big vehicle (to drive your fat self around in) BUY the $5 box of luxury 'moistened ass-towelettes'. BUY BUY BUY, it's not like any of us are riding any personal debt, or anything.

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