December 28, 2004

Re: Onesies ®

A little while back, someone asked me why I was shilling so hard for Gerber Onesies ® on Daddy Types, when there were better brands out there with finer fabric, better fit, etc.

Oh, but there aren't, I replied. Gerber Onesies ® are not only the best Onesies ® on the market, they're the only Onesies ®. Everything else is just a bodysuit, a jumper, a one-piece, or some other pale imitation of a Onesie ®, which has been a Gerber trademark for decades.

At least that's what the lawyers for Gerber wrote to tell me when they thought I was trying to dilute their trademarks. So I went through every mention of Onesies ® and put thorough explanations.

You can see them all here. My favorite, frankly is the Wifebeater Onesies ® post. Er, make that the Wifebeater® Onesies® post.


They may be the only true "onesie", but the quality still sucks. Tell them that next time.

Hey, Gerber: way to go, I've got two kids in diapers and now when I think of you, I think "Gerber bullies my buddy."

You could have handled this differently. Why not send a free sample or two, along with a nice note, rather than siccing the lawyers on a blogger? How much do you pay those lawyers an hour? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb! Being nice is not just more effective, it's cheaper -- not only do you not have to pay the lawyers, then you don't have to pay expensive PR reps to clean up the dumb, expensive mess you make. Back up the truck of burp pads, you'll need them to clean up the mess if you keep pulling bonehead maneuvers like this one. Have any of you ever googled "Kryptonite?"

Sorry but I am confused? What did Gerber do to Greg?

They barged in Christmast Morning and arrested me, in front of my daughter, whose memories of her first Christmas will forever be tainted by ignominy and hate.

No, I'm kidding. Actually, their in-house people just sent me a form letter via email saying how I was selling other companies' products under the name "Onesie." It's no big deal, really, and I told them that my use of the term wasn't to sell. I was often quoting the stores or wherever I linked to. If they called something a Onesie, so did I, usually.

Rather than replace "Onesie" with "generic infant bodysuit" or whatever Gerber wanted, I went through and put disclaimers on all my posts. Some of which, if I do say so, are rather amusing.

I had to put up a disclaimer as well after getting hate emails from companies that I dissed. Even though everything I said was true and they knew it.

Anyhoo, I will boycott Gerber after this episode! No problem because their stuff is crap anyhow.

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