So I was flipping through my wife's Vogue, trying to help her get out the door by distracting the kid, and so I do an off-the-cuff play-by-play of each page, that is until the kid goes, "Tell me the story again about the women who stop eating and wear leopard skin." I'll never learn.
But then an essay by author Jonathan Burnham Schwartz caught my eye, which promptly filled up with tears. [Let's see Cookie do that.] It was about miscarriages, and the secret emotional rollercoaster he and his wife rode for several years after they decided to try to have a kid:
Though we are a couple who talks things through, after that fist pregnancy and several others equally though variously unsuccessful, we made a decision: We would move our grief and disappointment underground. Other than immediate family members and one or two friends, we would tell no one what was happening, or that we were even trying to have children. Perhaps this was a mistake; honestly, I don't know. But we did not want to be come people that others pitied or worried over. We did not want to lose the lives that we had--lives in which now and then we might go on acting out the role of people who found enjoyment in friends and family, worka nd travel. Above all,w e did not want to expose a pain that we ourselves could hardly bear to look at.If I was shocked to read a piece like this in Vogue, I wasn't surprised not to find it on their website. But as someone who all but mindlessly bumbled his way into fatherhood, the very existence of challenges, disappointments, and unhappy TTC [trying to conceive] stories catches me off guard. And yet, I think it's a far more common experience than most people ever realize.
If anyone knows of other good, helpful, or insightful accounts of dealing with miscarriage or with the broader TTC process, please add them in the comments. Especially from a dad/dad-to-be's perspective.
Otherwise, if you're going to read the magazine at Barnes & Noble, take a Kleenex.