November 20, 2011

Calling Greg Of Greenwich: Custom Mercedes Sprinter Maxivans


Here's the deal: since early 2008, I've been on record as claiming the Mercedes Sprinter as the ultimate in rad dad van transport. So it pains me to see how awkwardly the New York Times tries to squeeze this wonderful machine in a tiny trend piece parking spot.

Because seriously, a Sprinter does not "double as a child's playroom on wheels" merely because it includes "a built-in vacuum to clean what the children dirty." And I'm sorry, but this quote? Pecking order?

Jill Kargman, a writer and mother of three who lives on the Upper East Side, said that play dates adhered to a certain pecking order: those that start in one of these ultra-luxury vans are preferable because they can "just bop into a souped-up bulletproof living room on wheels," she said.
I'll tell you right now, driving around watching Spongebob on a giant flatscreen falls pretty $)#(ing low on my playdate pecking order. The only way this playvan scenario makes sense is for the nanny to entertain the kids in the van while the moms go off to lunch or yoga or whatever. But replace a few of these zombie playdates with actual play, and maybe you wouldn't have to buy your kid's way into kindergarten. Just sayin'.

And another thing: please tell me that there's a customizing shop in Greenwich or wherever who won't spend your $150,000++ on things like credenzas with individually lit champagne flutes. You may think it's Star Trek, but it's actually Five Towns prom circuit stretch rental Hummer. I mean, you might as well install a stripper pole.

Rich New Yorkers Are Driving [sic] Custom-Designed Cargo Vans [nyt]
Related, but farther down the pecking order: []
Alas, not related enough: RIP, Greg of Akron [jalopnik]


I guess I'm learning where on the pecking order my playdates used to fall. I looked forward to get picked up by my friend and his mom in a suburban that smelled from burning rubber and cigarettes.

The GMC Savana is less rapper. For heavens sake, Beyonce rides around in a Sprinter.

From know on, the chauffeured Sprinter will replace the chauffeured Yukon as the official DT throwaway vehicle of profligate UES shopping-centered parenting.

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