Well that was kind of fast. After poking around for a couple of months, last week, with the blog discussion still going on, I stumbled across a craigslist post of a very interesting-sounding Scion xB, a 2006 with barely 20,000 miles on it, which has spent most of its time parked in the garage of a Virginia engineering company. It was as close to unused as I'd seen, and it all checked out, and it was a pretty reasonable price, and so we just bought it this morning. It's kind of fun.
Even though "Dude! I just bought a five-year-old, totally stock Scion!" is probably the least exciting thing a Toyota dealer parts department cashier would hear all week, I was still on a Christmas morning high when I upgraded my floor mats. And considering what we still ended up spending to powerclean all the puke off the leather backseat of our MB, I think my next step is to wrap the cloth seats in a Wackenhut vinyl seat cover just like the one I used to stick to when I was a kid.
Thanks to everyone for all the comments, I hope I can get some advice on programming the undercarriage LED lightshow soon.