April 12, 2011

Phrases I Never Thought I'd Hear

I'm sure there are others, but I just added "I need help wiping my butt" to the list of things that my pre-dad self never imagined he would hear. Ever.

6 Comments

Wait, how'd you get through Kid One without hearing that?

We have a similar list - Things we hope our son outgrows before his first date. Such as:

-Biting his own toenails (yes, TOEnails) at the table.
-Standing up mid-meal and emphatically announcing, "I have to poop!"
-Lifting up the shirt of his dining partner in order to snuggle with her tummy.
-Working the word, "fart" into every possible grammatical position in a sentence.
-Some other sneeze-related actions that shall remain unmentioned.

My 3-year-old son the other day as we are walking under a tree where its obvious that birds have pooped: "Dad, um, if I eat bird poop will it make me smell like a bird?"

K1 (2.2 years) disclosed typically male behavious the other day while taking his bath: pointing to his private parts, saying "p*n*s big". Okay ....

You must not have seen the documentary The King of Kong, in which Steve Wiebe's son yells that he needs his butt wiped but dad is busy an hour into achieving the world record on Donkey Kong and can't stop playing. Kid commences to scream "Stop playing Donkey Kong!!" but dad is undeterred.

Not that I fault him, and he says on camera that he's very embarrassed that his worst moment of parenting is recorded for all to see.

Fantastic documentary, by the way.

This will also be on the list of things your post-AARP self will never imagine uttering.

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