Call me naive, but wasn't the Big Dig supposed to elminate Boston's traffic woes and turn the entire region into a garden-filled, driving utopia?
Apparently not, because suburban guys driving their wives 25 miles into town so they can give birth in the same hospital their first kid was born in are still getting stuck in rush hour traffic. To alleviate this stressful situation, Massachusetts State Troopers have turned what was once called the "break-down lane" into a dedicated Guy Driving Wife Whose Contractions Are Like 3 Minutes Apart Now lane. The toll is $100, payable by mail. You use the reference number on the envelop the kindly trooper will give you right before you get to your exit.
The first parents to successfully use the new lane are John and Jennifer Davis of Dracut. Jennifer successfully delivered their second baby just minutes after using the GDWWCAL3MAN lane to get to Mount Auburn. 300 minutes after, but still. The Boston Globe commemorated the occasion by publishing the number of speeding tickets John has received over the past 20 years: six.
Mazel Tov! Or whatever they say up there in Boston.