So the kid didn't come on New Year's Eve, sparing us the whole embarrassment of being exposed on local news as the derelict parents who couldn't figure out the name of The First Baby Of 2008.
Figuring it's exactly the kind of thing I won't have time or opportunity to do the next few months, I finally watched Idiocracy, the Mike Judge movie set 500 years in a corporatized future where people are named after products and pro wrestlers are elected president.
Since its unadvertised release in a few flyover states last summer, Fox has worked hard to keep paying customers from seeing it. Fortunately for them, the Internet makes their job much easier.
I don't know why they buried the film; the chesty Fox News anchors are easily the 3rd and 4th smartest people in the Idiocratic world. And one was named Velveeta.
As it happens, on Christmas Eve day, we took the in-laws for lunch at the cheap Mexican place down the street. As the name conversation rattled on, I had said, staring into the pot of queso, "What about Velveeta?"
I'd have thought nothing of it if the FedEx guy hadn't come while we were out, and with no one to sign for it, I had to make an emergency trip to the FedEx station to pick up the last present. The woman behind the counter, who saved Christmas for me? That's right, Velveeta.
As of now, though, we're still leaning toward the inadvertent name of Luke Wilson's character in Idiocracy, Not Sure. If 16-year-old boys were actively involved in the naming of children, the future'd arrive a lot faster.