Since no one else in the birthing/parenting/pregnancy industrial complex was talking about it, sex writer Susie Bright goes on a long, very open, and very revealing exploration of women's actual sexual experience during pregnancy, during delivery, and after giving birth. Once she started poking--er, asking--around, it turns out the oft-repeated advice of "experts" had more basis in discomfort talking about a taboo than it did in actual, medical fact:
The experts all say that it is a mystery why some women get more horny when they're pregnant while others lose interest.Egg Sex [susiebright.blogs.com via robotwisdom]
I'll tell you something’Äî no one loses interest. What happens is that your normal sexual patterns don't work the same way anymore. Unless you and your lover make the transition to new ways of getting excited and reaching orgasm, you are going to be very depressed about sex and start avoiding it all together.
It's not just a technique change, either. Feeling both desirable and protected are essential to a pregnant woman, and if protection is not forthcoming from the outside, she will build a fortress that cannot be penetrated.
I no longer believe that some women don't feel sexual during those long nine months. Some are frightened by the sexual changes their growing bodies demand. But so many others confided to me, "I was so hot, and I couldn't explain it to just anyone."
It's an awesome feat of American puritanism to convince us that sex and pregnancy do not mix. It's the ultimate virgin/whore distinction. For those nine months, please don't mention how we got this way’Äî we're "Mary" now.
[update for people in the office: there are some rather suggestive ads on Bright's site. And I guess there's always the possibility that someone will read over your shoulder and exclaim, "Perineal massage??!" Just so you know.]