...and his name was Adam. He was 35, which meant he was Generation-X. Now unlike Douglas Coupland, who coined the term "Generation-X," Adam had never created a neologism, even though he had written about pop cultural trends for like ten years. He wanted more than anything to come up with one, but what?
One day, his fairy godfather, the features editor at New York Magazine called and said, "Whaddya know about hipster parents? Can you give me 10,000 words on hipster parents?" Not having any kids himself, but sensing his chance, he said, "10,000? I can give you 100,000!" "No, no, even 10,000's pushing it. Good luck, and I need it by Thursday."
So Adam set to work. He immediately recognized that the most important things in the world were pop music and denim. This is 80% of all he'd ever written about, so it was a perfect fit. Because he was Gen-X, Adam knew he had to craft an ironic retro neologism, and since the other 20% of his oeuvre was making generalizations based on TV shows, he chose "grup" [aka "grown-up"] as his word. It's from Star Trek, but boomer/flower children/Kirk-era Star Trek, not Picard; Picard is too new and still actually nerdy, not "nerdy."]
That left 9,999 words. 9.998 if you count the obligatory mention of Neal Pollack's "Alternadads," which would've been competition, but isn't since "grups" covers both men AND women, and even kid-free hipsters. hahaha. Take that, Pollack. So. with 9,998 words left. Adam just wrote down whatever the hell crossed his mind while he was transferring from the L train to the F.
He even got the cover. And they all lived happily ever after. Except for me, because my head just exploded. The End.