November 30, 2005

The Push Present: Show Her You'd Impregnate Her All Over Again

OK, sorry to swamp Jason's lingerie buying guide with my somewhat skeptical take on "birth jewelry." I was wrong. Birth jewelry sounds like a lovely idea, a way to commemorate and celebrate the beauty--and hard work and sacrifice--of a woman bringing a new life into your world. Gorgeous. I know MY wife deserves jewelry, and lots of it. The better the better, I say, and I want to give it to her often, not just as a marker of an important occasion, but as a sign of my love, respect, and awe of her as a person, a woman, and a mother. Fine.

But enough about birth jewelry, let's talk about "push presents." Or let's listen as the worldly wise voices of Urbanbaby talk about them: "if you have a c-section, is it a 'cut-gift?'"

One of the tackiest things I have learned about on UB - - "push gifts." I was just thinking, if you have a c-section, is it a "cut-gift?"
* lol
* have you heard of the thrust gift...dhs are now asking for equal tackiness
* pouch present, tear token
# Does anyone actually call it that? I got a present from DH when DD was born, but I'd hit him if he called it that. Seems to be a tradition in many Jewish families
* Gift for dc's birth = quite nice. "push gift" or expectation of specific number of karats, not so nice
* Jewish, never heard of it in my family. Read about it in English books.
# It's push Present. And since our anniversary was 2 weeks later, I just got a really super special gift for that.

-.-

With #1, the baby was gift enough. With #2 I got a big screen TV! A push present we can all enjoy!!

-.-
what's a push present?
# Oh lord...
* won't you buy me a mercedes benz... my friends all got push presents, DH must make amends ;)
# a piece of jewelry to commemorate the birth of your child.
* Right, so what did you get DH to commemorate the birth?
o nothing. we were broke.

-.-

A push present is something you expect beforehand.

-.-

hey, if you're getting a present, let it be called anything, take it and enjoy it.

-.-

we were at a v. westchester dinner party whilst I was pg and one of the women leaned across DH and said to me, "he DOES know about the push gift, doesn't he?" - DH in no way, shape or form knew what the hell she was talking about, but I just smiled and nodded...then he said, "whats that?" she proceeded to elucidate him using her $15k diamond tennis bracelet as an example...the next week he ordered me a cubic zirconia tennis bracelet from ice.com and told me it was my early push gift.

-.-

many who discuss this push present want very specific jewlery, not something thoughtful that DH chose to give them
* That just gave me the shivers

-.-

What is a "push pressie"?
# a gift for delivering baby - prominent with jews.
* I thought it was southerners.
* i am both -- southern & Jewish -- & don't know anyone who does this

-.-

You're not less of a mom if you want (or expect) a push present. You're just a materialistic person who thinks that important life events have to be validated by spending lots of money. And that it's your DH's job to do this.

-.-

It's not just for the pushing part ya know...It's for the whole 10 month process. The nausea, the vomiting, the exahustion while you stay home and take care of db (if this is number 2) etc..
* exactly! It's not a push present - it's a THANK YOU WONDERFUL WIFE present for going through the hard road of being PG and everything that entailed. My dad gave my mom one for every one of the 7 she had and that was decades ago.

-.-

# One friend got a mercedes, another a 4 carat diamond ring.
# i got a beautiful baby boy as my push present better than anything else i could have wanted or asked for
* yeah, yeah, that is what we tell ourselves. A bauble would have been nice, no?
o nah - already have a ring over 4 carats and a channel set band - anything more is overkill
* you're on the wrong board

16 Comments

Add me to the list of those who have never heard of a push pressie or a birth bauble. There is no doubt that presents are nice and I'm sure I wouldn't have turned one down (give me a break all of you 'the baby was present enough for me la la la') but the whole tone of expectation is nauseating.

Of course, I'm a Canuck. Does that make a difference?

The expanded version with the added urbanbaby text -all I can say is YIKES those woman are a scary bunch! It's so much nicer in this sandbox. Thanks Greg for reminding me why I NEVER read urbanbaby...

I first learned of this concept (but not by the name "push present," which I find odious) in 1993, when a relative gave birth. I visited a week after the baby came home and saw Tiffany boxes lying around, asked, and was told it was a thank-you gift from her husband for doing the work of carrying and having a baby. I thought this was a wonderful idea, but then it turned out it was Tiffany perfume. Which may smell nice and all, but I think the expectation raised by a blue box sets the tone for something more than a scent! Not to mention that it's really nice to have something permanent, no matter how tiny or inexpensive, to remind you of its provenance every time you look, and once the perfume is gone, it's gone.

I told my boyfriend at the time (who later became my husband) that if it ever came our turn, the idea of a gift was lovely and not mandatory - but that if one was indeed purchased it certainly did not need to come from Tiffany, and if it did, what was inside had better be the real thing!

And it's a day late, but I definitely chime in with all who argued against a gift of lingerie, by the way. In my house, we say "That's not a present for you, it's a present for him." Time and energy are the best gifts a new mom can have, so whatever you can do to arrange those, she'll be thankful.

[1) there was a Tiffany's perfume thread on UB that I decided was a little too shocking for the site. Summer's Eve, nuff said. 2) ditto on the possible "gift for him" interpretation. If a woman's feeling like her body's an object she doesn't own, maybe a guy should get something that objectifies HIM for HER a bit in return, like back-waxing. But I thought the whole idea veered too close to "bowling ball with 'Homer' engraved on it" territory. -ed.]

What an awful name! 'Push Present?!' Who the hell thought that up!?

Yes, I had heard of getting a little bling with the baby but never have I heard it called something so awful!

Does the number of carats increase with the number of hours or pushes required? If you're having multiples, is it automatically a 2-carat event with an additonal carat for each additional child? Is there a dollar figure attached to the pounds and ounces of the offspring? Is there a cash reward if you have to undergo a c-section?

It would have been nice to get some flowers or some cute nursing PJs or lougewear and I wouldn't have turned down jewelery if it was offered but having an expectation that a multi-carat piece of jewelery is required is just wrong. Materialistic, self-centred and frankly, it just creeps me out.

[yeah, but suddenly "c-note" sounds pretty damn funny. -ed.]

After reading all of the entries about "push" gifts, I have one thing to say-HAND in HAND custom jewelry design (www.handinhandsf.com). A friend of mine referred me to them after he had the most amazing experience working with them to create his push gift and I am now having the same amazing experience creating my own. I have received the best service and am having the BEST customer experience I've had purchasing ANYTHING I've ever bought. I also wanted to share a slightly different view of fine jewelry "push" gifts and why I believe they are in fact a very important and appropriate step in the birthing process.

I am a first time expecting father-to-be and I definitely believe in the "push" gift concept. It's not only about thanking your wife and the mother of your child for all the hard work and labor the entire pregnancy poses, but more importantly, it's one of only a few times in this life where you as the husband/father have a unique opportunity to step up and create your own family heirloom piece that will symbolize your wife, your baby and your family story for generations to come. Especially if you consider working with a company like HAND in HAND where they exclusively create custom, one-of-a-kind fine jewelry designs. How much more special could a gift be when it's a piece that nobody else will ever have and that will be hand made specifically based on your unique family story? To me, there's not a more special or beautiful way to thank your wife, commemorate the birth of your child and honor your family than by creating a one-of-a-kind family heirloom piece.

It's also something that my wife and I plan to ultimately pass along to our child and let them know that this piece of jewelry they now possess was created specifically for them and their mom back when they were born. As well, this piece will live on in our family and tell our unique story for generations to come.

I agree that a "push" gift is not necessary, it's not about HAVING to create an expensive piece of jewelry using large diamonds, it's not about expectation and mom and baby being healthy is all that matters at then end of the day. On the other hand, based on what you can afford and the assumption that you do want to buy a "push" gift, whether you have a couple thousand dollars or more, there's no car, tv, appliance or any other tangible item that can appropriately commemorate and recognize the importance of this momentus life milestone like custom fine jewelry can.

If you are interested, I highly suggest you contact HAND in HAND (www.handinhandsf.com). I'd love to share my wonderful experience with anyone considering a fine jewelry purchase for a "push" gift or any of life's most special celebrations.

I agree with Tawnya. As a mother of two I find it to be a very self centered concept."i'm just here for the jewelry" It's the jewelry version of a "hallmark holiday".
The women in the original blog sound like the kind that don't work and yet have full time nannies.

Good husbands of the world - UNITE!

Oh...my...god. Another day to give a gift? Another day to have pressure put upon men. Another day to get the cold sweats, high blood pressure and lose bowels. Are you kidding me? No, seriously, are you absolutely friggin kidding me? A "push" gift? No. No way. I refuse. I won't do it. You know what, I'm done. I'm done covering for the jerky husbands out there. I'm done keeping quiet. I'm singing. I'm gonna sing like a canary. I'm letting the cat out of the bad. I'm opening the can o' worms. I'm tired that's all. I'm tired of doing my husbandly duties, and extremely well I might add, and getting punished for it. No more. Bad husbands. You're going down. You're going down to China Town.
It all started with Valentines day. I'm tired of Valentine's Day. Used to be good. Used to be great. You and you're loved one would spend a day or night somewhere. Maybe dinner and a movie. Something quiet and romantic. Now, watch any commercial and what is it? A jewelry commercial. And what the hell is it saying. The most obscene things I've ever heard.
"Tell her you love her....again and again"
"Be the hero she thought you were"
"Say you love her. In a new way"
In a new way? As if the old way wasn't good enough? As if words are crappy ol' words and who wants them anyway. Now a push gift. What will be those slogans?
"When a baby just isn't good enough"
"When having a son or daughter just won't cut it"
"Babies, a women's second best friend to diamonds"

You know why they have a push gift? You know why they demolish our spirits during Valentines day? I'll tell you why. Bad husbands. You have good husbands and bad husbands. Us good husbands - oh we suffer the intolerable for you bad husbands. Good husbands - we get punished and put into detention for you bad husbands. Good husbands - we get the shaft. Why you ask? Bad husbands, that's why. They ignore their wives. They don't think about doing little small things throughout the year for their wives. They don't help with chores around the house. They leave the parenting up to the wives. They don't do something as simple as saying I love you once a day. They don't send a bouquet of flowers at least once a year for a birthday or anniversary or, god forbid, for no reason at all. What DO they do? They work and pay the bills and think everything else is the wives duties. They play golf every chance they get. They come home when they're not "working", eat sleep then out they go. Oh yeah, two or three times a year they drop a butt load of money on their wives as a way to say thank you or I love you. I'm sure the first few years the wives though it was great. Wow, I got it made. Look at all this stuff they bought me. "Ok", they thought. "Maybe he isn't the most loving or thoughtful person, but damn, look at this bling bling." It didn't last. That feeling went a way and all they wanted was their husbands attention. They didn't get it. So what did they do? They wanted more to make up for the lack of affection. They expected more year after year to make up for the now years of lost affection and words of endearment. Why? Because, Birthdays, Mother's day, Secretary's day, Christmas and Anniversaries JUST WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. It wasn't enough to suppress the sadness and emptiness. They needed a new and inventive way of getting him to spend money out of spite and resentment. Women are such a cunning and entrepreneurial breed. "Eureka!" exclaims one excited saddened wife. "A "push" gift." "I know what I'll do. I'll make him buy me something for having his baby. PERFECTO!" So what was the next step? Women of the world unite and advertise that all bad husbands shall purchase high end items when we give birth. But the women have a problem. How to do this? "I got it!" yells that same inventive, cunning and entrepreneurial, saddened, attractive and neglected yuppie wife. "Oprah!!" Nice. Real nice. Now it's out. Now the S has really hit the fan.

So me and my brother-in-law, both good husbands. We both send flowers at any occasion and say I love you all the time. We both give hugs and kisses, share household chores, recognize our wives thoughtfully on their birthdays, anniversaries and even on holidays. We both are the major financial providers. We both now get to dread one more day in which to have all the pressure in the world dropped in out lap. Yeah, that's fair. I have one question to all the wives out there. Where's our gift? Where's our gift for working 70 hours a week while traveling, helping with household chores, taking care of the outside of the house, paying for the mortgage and everything else, supporting you in everything you do and oh yeah - also finding time in each and every day to show you love and affection? Where is our gift? In fact this situation is far beyond "a" gift. I think it's time for reparations. That's right. I said it. It had to be said. Years and years of being under the thumbs of bad husbands. It's time we get our dues. And you know what we'll call it? A "pushed too far" gift. Unfortunately we don't have Oprah to advertise for us. We won't get the support of jewelries world wide. Spa's and car dealership won't climb on board. Until that time, I too will fall prey to the push gift. I'll shop for something nice but not overly priced but respectable but not excessive but good show piece but won't break the bank "push" gift. I'll do this all while having the cold sweats, high blood pressure and lose bowels from anxiety. Why? Because women talk. A lot. About everything. So when my wife has the birth discussion with all of her friends, she won't have to hear about all the "push" gifts thinking where was hers. So when it comes her turn to squawk, she can talk about her "push" gift and smile ear to ear and giggle and feel good about herself and her marriage. What she won't know is that most of those women will go home to an empty house. No husband, no hugs, no kisses or terms of endearment of any kind. I understand why they do it, why they invent these "gifts". I really do and I empathize with them. I pity and feel sorry for them. All I ask is that I don't pay for their husbands ways.

Bad husbands, you screwed us good husbands. You screwed your wives. So to bad husbands all over the world, I would like to say that I hate and despise you. But that won't fix things. The milk has been spilt in a monumental way. So I say this. It's not too late. It's not over until the fat jeweler sings. You still have time. You have time to right the wrongs you've created in our society. You have a chance to undo all the "gifts" you so unconsciously created. Please, take one for the team. Tell your wife you love her. Get her some flowers tomorrow for no reason. Give her a hug like you mean it. Go directly home after work. Look into her eyes, hold her hand every so gently, pause dramatically, tell her you love her and for the love of god and all of these "gifts, lie if you have to.

I just recently gave my wife a "Push Gift" or Push present, whatever. A friend of my wife owns a business that helps men shop for women (I'm a little offended by the slogan "...because guys can't shop" but I'll live with it) and I got my wife a cashmere robe as a push gift. She loves it and it scored me some brownie points with my wife (who is abnormally hormonal right now, and needs me to be a gracious and giving as possible). Her friend's website is called RomeoShops.com- I would recommend this to most guys who are expecting because my wife was taken aback by the gesture and wasn't expecting it. Something we don't experience too much after 10 years of marriage!

OK, You can all say what you like, but my daughter, our second child is 9 weeks old now, and I just received my "push" gift. She is the light of my life but I have to say that it is not lessened by the bling. And not to mention that my husband has won me over for this humble attempt at showing his appreciation for what I went through. It makes it so much easier to try to forget about the 18 stitches I had from tearing, the stretch marks and the varicose veins that I have to live with now, and the fact that a man will never understand the labor of labor, unless he is willing to swallow a softball! My princess cut diamond necklace and earring set is beautiful, and makes me feel beautiful - a reasurrance that my husband still sees me as the attractive woman he married. It's worth the price......

- A happily married woman who would do anything to please my husband

Push presents? the world is coming to an end...nothing like capitalism and people with too much money and time to concoct this nonsense....I am down with showing appreciation - does it have to be in the form of a terribly-defined set of diamond earrings or princess-cut diamond necklace?? I am sure to be called out by the ladies who think that men can never appreciate the hard work dedicated to carrying and eventually delivering that child! But I am a loving and devoted husband and father of 2 and my wife emphatically agrees that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Want to do something special? Volunteer your time to people who have nothing - don't add to your clutter collection of treasures...that helps nothing but your ego...

I heard about the "Push Present" from my wife. I guess she heard it from one of her pregnant friends. I thought of the idea first as stupid and unnecessary, but after being there for my wife during her pregnancy, seeing her throw up several times a day during the first trimester, getting different ailments because of the pregnancy, and a lot more, this has made me think a lot. Men are lucky because we don't get pregnant, we will never feel what women feel when they give birth (it's a lot worse than hemorrhoids, believe me!), we will never experience hormonal imbalance, we men will never experience the alteration of our bodies. A simple Push Present to commemorate the day your wife gave birth to your child will be a priceless memento once you and your wife get older. What's $2000 for your wife, who has given you a baby? Yes, we have other occasions to give them gifts, occasions that happen yearly. Giving birth happens only once, or to those who want a big family, several times, in a lifetime. Giving your wife something of value for giving birth is your way of thanking her for the 9 months of uncomfortable living.

You know what? I would like any man who doesn't believe in the push present to sit for a moment and imagine being pregnant for nine months. Imagine throwing up constantly, being constipated, gaining 40 lbs, knowing you will never look like you used to again, and all the other fun things. Now on top of it all, imagine labor, or possible C-section knowing you are being cut open while still awake. If you had to go through that, don't even tell me you wouldn't want a new set of golf clubs!

I don't know why I still get shocked to see women so materialistic...When did a baby become a "gift" to men from women? Unless I am missing something, women want children as much as, if not more, than men. So tell me why men are told to feel guilty about being men. We already put a price on our women with engagement rings. Now we have another situation to for our wives to remind us we dont make as much money as her friends husbands. When did loving someone with all your heart not become enough for you women? I know there are some relationships based on money, but when did the norm become a pay based arrangement? No wonder the divorce rate is 50%. You women are simply unable to be satisfied with what you have.

And women wonder why they are viewed as prostitutes?

You all are charter members of the " Will bend over for jewelry club!"

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. ..

God forbid you fat Bon Bon eating,
Oprah watching cows support yourselves!

Get your fat derrieres off the couch!

uh, wtf? make shit up much?

i think if you want a serious push present, you have to lose te baby weight pronto, no bon bons and yoga during oprah.

blah blah blah blah-- in the time it took you to type that post you could have reglazed the bathtub and taken on the trash!

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