If you've been hanging out at the mall a lot and wondering just what the heck has gotten into kids these days, because they're so out of control and their parents never seem to care, and this country's goin' to hell in a handbasket, and why can't I just enjoy my Applebee's meal in peace for once, dammit?? What's wrong with this civilization?? The conservative Citizen Journal has one word for you, my beleagured American friend: fonts.
Not just any fonts, "Kids Fonts," the "zany or deliberately outrageous fonts" that marketers, fast food restaurants, even "sit-down joints" are increasingly turning to to target their insidious "color outside the lines" message to kids. These value-laden fonts, it turns out, contribute to the plague of rebellion and uncivilized behavior that's affecting brats of all classes, from Kmart to Starbucks.
But don't despair, brother; it's not easy, but they know what needs to be done:
WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, then, we can say that a concerted effort to communicate dignity, restraint, and nobility to children and their parents through the use of artful, disciplined fonts in the promotion of childrenís products would at least make a dent in an otherwise unfettered popular culture of fashionable disobedience and willful slovenliness. At the moment things do not look good on that count. Books by Bennett, Santorum, and Himmelfarb are well outweighed by the full force of popular culture, in print ads as well as television...And I can say with a straight face that attributing evil to fonts is even crazier than seeking morality advice from a compulsive gambler, a bestiality-obsessed hypocrite, and a Victorian-era fascist.