April 14, 2005

Shoot It All, Let Oxygen Sort It Out

This one's for those who hold this truth to be self-evident, who don't even think of why you'd ever ask why:

If TV is like the air you breathe, you're in luck. Oxygen, the TV network for the ladies, wants to "Put your baby on TV!" Specifically, they want all your baby videos--and they mean everything, in every format ["We're not picky!"]--for their tautologically titled new series, Oh Baby, You're on TV!

If you're still confused, they do have some suggestions:

  • no audition tapes, or staged performances ["We want your REAL HOME VIDEOS"].
  • If you want to spare the poor interns' sanity, just send selections; they're building shows around themes ["pets, sports, bad hair day...bath time, potty time, too much sugar..."].
  • "We want all the moments of their lives! (But this is basic cable, and we have no budget.)" They won't pay you, or pay to license any music, so please, "no 'real songs.'" [I'm not lawyer, but I DO watch Law & Order, and I think that includes both made-up lyrics and "Happy Birthday."]
  • But money's for greedy musicians, anyway. We're TV, and TV is about love. ["Please tell your friends about this...The more the better. Share the love."]
  • "Some of the greatest moments on tape are the ones where the videotaper is narrating--we love these clips. Please send us clips where YOU are talking!" Wait, could seeing your child on TV actually turn out to be all about playing out the vicarious fantasies of parents?? But I thought that was only baby beauty pageants. I'd just be showing how funny I am, maybe throw in a script idea or two...

    Anyway, if you want to share the love, Oxygen's got the details.

  • 1 Comment

    I wonder if the those songs include the new Birtday song that Jack Black sang on SNL a couple of years ago. If so, I'm out.

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