Who knew that in this era of worldwide religiously inspired harmony and human fellowship, where we all just help each other freely as we wait patiently for The Rapture or Nirvana or The Messiah or whatever, that some people actually prefer to not give their kids names with religious--and more specifically, biblical--connotations?
I wish these fine souls [oops. sorry, habit.] godspeed [oops again.]; apparently, being consciously non-religious takes real effort in this blessed land [oops. oy vey. [oops.]]. But that doesn't mean folks aren't trying, like the people over at Internet Infidels Discussion Boards. There are a lot of Celtic and mythological references, as if non-Christian was atheist enough, thanks. And as with any oppressed minority, internal discussions show a biting, slightly weary sarcasm.
Of course, "stickin' it to those religionists" or "They think Christianity's ancient?? I'll show them ancient!" aren't the most thoughtful baby naming strategies. Whether or not you fear the wrath of an angry god, don't write off the wrath of an angry child saddled with a goofy or embarassing name.
That said, here are a few of the most inspired [I give up.] suggestions. God bless us, every one:
Thomas ["as in Jefferson and Paine." Umm, and sure, he doubted, but he was an Apostle.]
Jarod ["When people ask if we named him that because of the Bible, I say: 'No. Because of he Pretender.'"]
"Peter, Paul, Matt, Mark, Luke, John, Jesus, or Herod? Hope these help. LOL. :D"
Darwin (or Charles? That's not in the bible.)
"You could name them after a pokemon... :)"
Damien [The Exorcist isn't religious?]
"Duke (latin - leader)"
"Mace (aromatic spice)"
"Blaze (latin - a flame. pretty hard to pronounce.)" [actually, those last two are also X-men names.]
"Franklin means 'free man'"
"If you want a boy to stand out without calling him Satan or Hitler you could call him Judas." [Satan, Hitler, and Jesus are the punchline to every atheist baby-naming joke.]
"Percy (after poet and atheist Percy Shelly)"
"I thought Julius would be a good name." [You and XXIII Popes...]
"Or Julian, like the last non-xian Roman emperor." [who, as a deity himself, was technically not atheist.]
"How about Hunter? It's ambigenderal and I think pretty badass." [ambigenderal??]
"We picked Kaitlyn for our daughter's name, it means 'pure' in Celtic." [It also means, "I worship at the Church of the Popular Baby Name."]
Secular Baby Names [Internet Infidels Discussion Boards]