At first glance, it looks like a newborn bassinet, but it's designed for kids "up to age 4 (18kg)." It's the Hi-Low Bed & Chair with thermo-sensitive memory foam and a "bio-medical swing" by Aprica.

I probably should write about the variable swing speeds or tilt angles, or the "scientifically proven" benefits of letting this thing do the baby-rocking for you, but it just freaks me out too much. I can't tell if it's the baby equivalent of Frankenstein's monster the operating table he's lying on? Or is it just a Japanese La-Z-Boy for infants?

I think you're supposed to strap your kid into this bed/chair/swing with a 5-point harness when you bring him home, wheel him around the apartment--like Hannibal Lecter, or Han Solo encased in carbonite--and then drop him off at the kindergarten doorstep to begin studying for the college entrance exams.

If anyone has firsthand experience with this thing, by all means, share. In the mean time, I'll stick with the padlock crib.

Hi-Low &c. &c. comes in yellow and blue from Toys R Us (JP) for around 52,000 Yen. Sorry, you're on your own for shipping.