October 17, 2010

How To Earn $100 The Easy Way

Dear Expectant Parent,

While pairing pop songs with his celebrity-rewrites of Anton Chekhov stories, including Bonnie Tyler's immortal classic, "Holding Out For A Hero," New Yorker editor Ben Greenman makes expectant parents an offer they'd be crazy to refuse:

Sing along with me: "Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?"If anyone names a band (or, better, a child) "Streetwise Hercules," I will send that person one hundred dollars.
And I will add $10, though obviously, a name like Streetwise Hercules is its own reward.

If you're unconvinced, here are some video clips to make the case. The tractor chicken scene in Footloose:

The Footloose version of the music video:

Good googly moogly, the original Bonnie Tyler music video? If you don't name your kid Streetwise Hercules after watching this, I'm gonna come over there and take $100 from you, straight up:

Related: a list of character names from Footloose which, while awesome, will not earn you $100 or $10:

Boys: Ren, Willard, Rusty, Woody, Chuck, Burlington, Wes, Travis, Rich, Jeff, Herb, Harvey, Bernie, Elvis

Girls: Ariel, Vi, Wendy Jo, Ethel, Lulu, Edna, Sarah, Amy, Virginia



So much going on here:
So is Kevin Bacon's character the "streetwise Hercules" of song?

The Bonnie Tyler video is astounding. I felt "Circling Cowboy #3" and "Dancer in a Stevie Knicks Dress #1" really stole the show.

Finally, could I get $50 if I named my son Hercules Streetwise?

"So much going on here"

Right? I had just planned to post the one-line about the Streetwise Hercules offer. Then just a video. But which one? And then the movie, and the names--it's like pulling a thread in a sweater.

I hate to say it greg, but it would be a crime to write about that song and not include the climactic chase scene from short circuit 2:


Quite right. I will hereby extend my offer of $10 to anyone who names his kid Johnny 5.

Moto-P said:

LOL! You all just reminded me of dozens of other movies and songs from the prime of 80's!!
My god~~~!

Mannequin, featuring Andrew McCarthy!
Where is he now?

Jefferson Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us now" which was the theme song, is probably more timeless than the mannequin herself, Kim Katrall, unknown then, is now a superstar in her 50's rather in Sex & the City.

What about Wargames? Weird Science, Space Camp?
Howard the Duck!

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