September 9, 2008

Ha, In Your FACE, High Fructose Corn Syrup Hater!

Come to my Corn Refiners Association party and get all snotty with me about the fruit punch, and I will shut you down.

I assume the scene where another parent walks up and says the issue with HCFS is that it's linked to obesity, and it's used in so much food produced today, that actually trying to eat it "in moderation" inevitably turns you into an angry hippie will be on the bonus DVD. [via consumerist, who links to another HFCS ad that literally has an "I feed you HCFS because I love you" theme.]


Aw, Buffy's evil demon college roommate has come to this - worrying about HFCS. Things must be getting pretty relaxed in the demon realm.

I saw the ad this weekend with the woman trying to persuade her male companion to eat a popsicle. CREE-PY! But also laugh-out-loud. Definitely has a high school film strip feel, that scenario where someone's being peer-pressured into trying a "harmless" drug, only now the pusher is the protagonist.

I'm going to go insane and rip my eyeballs from my skull.

"So, guess you don't care what diseases your kids get, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're giving them cancer. You know what they say about cancer...."

"What, that it's a mysteriously occurring disorder that attacks everyone indiscriminately and, unlike AIDS is treatable in some cases and doesn't always kill you?"


"Don't take that pill, it has cyanide in it!"


"Well, you know what they say about it..."

"What, that it's completely natural, found in things like apple seeds, mangoes and almonds, and that in tiny amounts is completely harmless?"

"Oh... Carry on then."

And another point in the Keep America Dumb column.

How about the fact that HFCS was made to be just like sugar? And performs the same actions as sugar? And no one who is anti-HFCS wants to take a look at what sugar does to you in comparison?

Hmm, what about the fact that the only way HFCS causes obesity is by eating way, way too many calories and not exercising (uhm, the same way ANYTHING causes obesity)?

How about the fact that millions of Americans consume HFCS and are completely healthy, non-obese, healthy-weight individuals?

Nah, I think I'll keep believing the myths that HFCS will "kill" me and comparing it to CANCER and CYANIDE, because that's intelligent. Not to mention, SUCH an accurate comparison.

The point, of course, which the Corn Peoples' qualification of safety in "moderation" can't stand up to, is that the primary, hidden risk of HFCS comes from its ubiquity. No one thinks eating McD's every meal is healthy, but most people don't realize how much HCFS they're inadvertently taking in.

Hi, my name is Liz and I work for the Corn Refiner’s Association. I wanted to share some information about High Fructose Corn Syrup.

High fructose corn syrup, like table sugar and honey, is composed of fructose and glucose, which are found in many naturally-occurring fruits, vegetables and nuts. And high fructose corn syrup has the same number of calories as sugar and honey – 4 per gram.

For the most part, you’ll find high fructose corn syrup in the same kinds of products in which you would find sugar or other sweeteners. At the same time, corn sweeteners offer some unique functional benefits that help companies offer more choices in food products. High fructose corn syrup keeps foods fresh, enhances fruit and spice flavors, retains moisture in bran cereals, helps keep breakfast and energy bars moist, maintains consistent flavors in beverages, and keeps ingredients evenly dispersed in condiments.

There’s a lot of solid research and information at and Thank you for your consideration.

HFCS sure doesn't taste as good as sugar. I greatly enjoy importing Coca-Cola from Mexico and Europe as a result, or waiting patiently for the yearly Passover availability of Kosher Coke.

Wrigley's reduced the sugar content of their gums, subbing in a blend of all those nasty-tasting diet sweeteners. Their consumer services folks claim it was to make the flavor last longer, but we all know it's for the same reason that all the drink manufacturers are using HFCS: it's cheaper.

I used to enjoy chewing sugar cane as a child and find it makes a nifty drink stirrer (especially in a Caipirinha or Mojito), but you can't find it anywhere anymore. Why?

The US fixes sugar prices far above the world average. And you evil Corn Industry people enjoy all kinds of special tax benefits and the like by making HFCS to substitute for it. I prefer sugar. SUGAR.

HFCS tastes like ass. My taste buds are rarely wrong in telling me that something is bad for me. My usual reaction to beer and wine is that "this food is spoiled." Why do I react badly to the taste of HFCS?

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