December 4, 2007

Swanky Ikea See-Saw Breaks Kid's, My Heart


Martin Rosquist's Vippig see-saw, made of molded and shaped birch ply for Ikea is absolutely beautiful to look at. Unless your kid is trying to ride it all by herself, and there are no other kids around the store, and unlike with a normal see-saw, you can't sit on the other side or push the other end up and down, so she gets really sad.

And all your dreams of your child's happy life are momentarily pushed aside by a despairing vision of a friendless, lonely, endless sadness. And not the oblivious kind, either, for just as it dawns on her that she can't ride a see-saw alone, she'll be painfully aware of her solitude. And you, her father, are powerless to help or prevent it.

Damn you, Vippig makers, may you spend roughly half the year in near-total darkness for what you've done to my sweet, little girl.

Ikea Vippig See-Saw, $50 [ikea]


It's funny that the folks at IKEA feel compelled to explain the benefits of rocking on a child's brain sensory development in order to sell this thing. I'd buy it as a sculpture and probably not let the kid touch it.

What's your daughter have to despair about? She has a little brother on the way to play with and torment, and who should arrive well before those poor Swedes see the end of the half-year of total darkness that you've just condemned them to.

[not to mention their gov't funded, 6-wk sun therapy session in Gran Canaria. I'm sure they're fine. And the kid's fine, too, now. Just that a single kid standing on a see-saw was Hallmark card-perfect in its abjectness. -ed.]

if it makes you feel any better, I took my kids to IKEA today, and they saw the see-saw. I tried to get them excited about it, but as soon as they got on, they pretty much realized it was to wobbly and fell off. Then, as they were playing with the wooden train set (which is awesome!), we watched a kid get beat up by it and whack himself on the nose.

so, as least you daughter didn't fall off the thing and whack her nose. how's that for a silver lining?

Why can't you push down on the other end? It looks like you could.

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