September 17, 2007

"The Mittens Stay On The Handle": Found PR Poetry At Kind+Jugend


I'm sorry, but I can't stop laughing out loud at the inadvertent poetry of the 51-page [PDF] Kind+Jugend News & Innovations roundup. [Seriously, it was driving my wife crazy.]

It's a perfect storm of PR hype, application packet formalism, and ESL. Our Global Baby Industrial Complex is here to serve, people, and for once, I'm not talking about a cookbook.

What's new? Trends and information as reported by exhibitors

Single use/disposable potty
Exclusive pushchairs APRICA-FENDI
Cleaning towels based on medicinal plants
Potty training is fun

Changing without the risk of falling down
Baby rocker in cult designs
Fashionable as handbags
Milk bottle with a dynamic teat

Car safety seats and prams in the trends from tomorrow
Aluminum buggies
Mobi and Cabi
Brand-new buggy concept

Semi-filled soothers complete the range
Buggy tuning
With mp3 player: Leaf Pillows
A seat on the bus for children

Pre-natal listening kit, nose cleaner
Traffic Lights as a parental aid
Innovative furniture for children, monster decorations, dice games and pillows
Valuable music boxes and toy clocks

Eye-catching children's chairs of the highest quality
Baby basket for a long, restful sleep
Children's drinking bottles for out and about
Bed of Adventures

Art for children
Keeps babies warm in the water
New generation of blankies
Trendy breastfeeding top

Feeding without choking
Prams with a new concept of mobility
The mittens stay on the handle
A new generation of baby dummies

Jogging prams with convertible body
Digital babyphone with excellent sound quality
Playful clothes tree
Children's furniture with a dual function

VIP changing bags just for dads
...and just for moms
Multipurpose pot, plant pot protector, bath frog
Knee protectors for crawling

Certified polypropelene textiles
Baby hygiene with natural sponges
Crockery and sanitary products with images of famous characters
Measures fevers without skin contact

Not just for football babies
Electric nasal aspirator with disposable nozzles
Fair trade organic baby carrier
The smallest, most comfortable buggy


Wow... almost like a collection of haiku... except I never recall Matsuo Basho using the phrase "dynamic teat".

[dam those prudish Oxford translators! -ed.]

they've been making mittens like that for rowers for years. since you can't row with gloves on because you need the grip of blistered and calloused flesh on wood and graphite in the frigid cold of a november regatta, wimps can get these little mitten things that slide onto your oar handle and then you stick your hands in and row like that.

only wishing i'm the one who thought of translating this for the stroller set...

[reading over the press release, I'd say there's still a need for translation. -ed.]

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