September 13, 2007

BabyPlus "Prenatal Education System," MC Hammer, Will Get Your Kid Into Harvard


From the current issue of 02138 Magazine [tagline: "The World of Harvard"], a cover feature [also on the cover: "The Harvard 100: The most influential alumni"] on getting your kid into Harvard:

...Such grueling competition isn't going away. In fact, as Harvard sees more applications from abroad, chances are it will only increase. What to do? Well, you could accept that there are many fine colleges. Or you could follow this child-rearing guide for the 02138 parent--and see if you have what it takes to raise a Harvard child.
And what's the first thing they recommend for "Prenatal Prep"? [OK, technically it's the second. "Vegetarian-based algae-derived docosahexaenoic acid supplements" are the first.] That's right, the BabyPlus Prenatal Education System.
By contrasting the daily lessons and the mother's internal soundtrack (heartbeat, digestive groans, and other bodily functions), the fetus allegedly improves its auditory skills. "Postnatally, that's called learning," says Lisa Jarrett, founder of the Indianapolis company.
Hmm, maybe at Yale.

Compared to the $10,000 preschool placement consultant and the $15,600 Galapagos Equator crossing party [essay fodder], the $149 BabyPlus just might be the most cost-effective application booster around. I heartily agree and encourage everyone to use it, especially if your kid is in the Class of 2022 or 2026. [For '22 kids, just wrap the BabyPlus around their head several hours/day. It's not too late to make a difference.]

And if you don't think the international competition is going to be fierce, you obviously haven't been up against a graduate of The MC Hammer School of English. [via boingboing]

Previously: BabyPlus makes normal kids look like geniuses compared to their parents


My guess is the best way to get into Harvard is to not follow their advice and therefore stand out from the crowd.
Of course, if I read the article chances are I would probably find out that my parent's did all these things, and that's how my sister got into Harvard.

The best way to get into Harvard is to be a smart kid from someplace where people almost never apply to Harvard because they're poor; geographic and class diversity is a big deal to admissions staff. But most people aren't willing to move from NYC to live in poverty in Singapore or rural Arkansas, where the school districts are uniformly lousy and they beat up kids who like to read.

Given that I had that kind of upbringing, the idea of paying 16 large for a Galapagos equator crossing party makes me want to hurl. You want essay fodder? Try the humiliation of getting groceries from the food bank after your father dumps your mother for some trailer slut. Of course, once you've been there, when you get in you'll regularly want to smack your classmates who tell you that they know so much about poverty because they went to Guatemala to help the peasant people. "They were so AUTHENTIC!" I admit that not everyone there is like that, thanks to the same diversity efforts that got me accepted, but enough of them were to piss me off.

[actually, that Guatemala trip's listed, and it's only $5k. the geographic dispersion strategy works the same way for the Rhodes Scholar application. Or so I'm told. -ed.]

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