August 29, 2007

Baby Paper? "Because Babies Love To Play With Paper!" Uh,


Somewhere in America, a car is parked in the driveway tonight. It's regular space has been usurped for months now by several dozen cases of [reams of?] CD jewelbox-sized, crinkly plastic-lined fleece hankies known as Baby Paper. ["Known" may be a bit aspirational at this point.] They're like buying that Lamaze sensory cube with the crinkly flap, only minus the cube part.

And if the inventor of Baby Paper can just sell one sheet to just half of all the babies born in the US each year...lessee, 2 million sheets, $2.50 wholesale, $2.35 gross margin...I don't know, I was never good at math. But it's probably enough to add on that third garage.

This one my bemused mom bought for me to write about is just gravy.

Baby Paper, actually, there's no picture or price or any info at all on the website. Order now! []


do not mock me, but for years i heard my mother-in-law raving about this stuff, sold (for $2.50 a sheet 5 years ago, dunno the price now) at the shmancy baby store in milwaukee. she gave it to both my daughters, and for that very brief period when a baby has figured out she has hands but can't use them reliably, it is awesome! (i swear i'm not a paid shill.) unlike the lamaze cube, the entire thing can be held and manipulated and waved around in the kid's semi-controlled hand. the crinkling noise makes them laugh and they feel, like, all empowered and stuff. it's only for maybe a monthlong window, but for that month, it was their favorite toy. takes up no space in the skiphop and you're good to go. i still have a few around here somewhere i bought to plop decoratively on top of wrapped baby gifts -- it's always better-received than the actual gift. god i feel like a schmuck for posting this, but there you go.

[believe me, it never gets easier. those publicists deserve every exorbitant dollar they charge. -ed.]

Well, perhaps Baby Paper has some redeeming qualities, website notwithstanding. But did anyone click to the somewhat disturbing sister site, That has got to be the ugliest breast-feeding cover up I've ever seen. They tout a revolutionary see-thru window of some sort, and although there are pictures on this site, none of them shows that feature. And I don't believe there's really a baby under there.

Almost makes me want to design some "new" baby thing, create a crappy website, and watch the sales roll in!

I think the makers of this "Baby Paper" are missing one critical aspect. Babies love paper because they can tear it apart! At least that's how it has been with all my two kids so far.

[that was probably v1.0. The slogan, "because parents hate babies to play with paper!" didn't really move the product. I see they started a custom memo pad printing business with the leftover stock, though, so it all worked out. -ed.]

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