August 17, 2006

"Baby Pinata" Was Taken, So They Went With "Babykeeper"

babykeeper.jpgIn an earlier phase of my fatherhood experience, I might have taken issue with Mommysential's decision to market the Babykeeper solely to moms [or more specifically, to "mom(s) on the go... (WHO HAVE) GOTTA GO!"]. Dads' gotta go, too, don't we? Even if we don't use stalls with doors on them all the time?

I might even lament about being excluded from their corporate mission ["We specialize in making Mom's life a little easier"], or even feeling slightly alienated by their name: Mommysentials. But not today.

Sure, I may be a little more relaxed in my parenting role than during those first few exhausting, insecure months. But mostly, I am just too blown away by the sheer awesomeness and the multitude of potential uses of The Babykeeper to even care. If Britney Freakin' Spears herself had invented it and released it only via an exclusive publicist-run beach house, I'd still be psyched.

Can you think of the awesome places you could hang a baby with this thing? From a tree, from a picnic pavilion, from a chainlink fence at a basketball court, from the girders in the tier overhead at a baseball game [or if you've got the juice and can get the tickets, from the safety net behind home plate], from the garage door tracks while you're working on the car [clearly, I'm fantasizing, since I have neither garage nor mechanical skills]. The bathroom stall door is just the beginning. If you made it into a shoulder strap up top, could you carry the kid dangling from one shoulder? Where would you hang him?

Indians used to leave their kids in a papoose and hang them from trees while they worked and hunted and fished. Throw a little more R&D muscle at the business end of the Babykeeper, and we could be on the brink of a back-to-the-land lifestyle revolution that pulls our planet back from the brink of ecological destruction.

OR the kid's older cousins could string him up, smack him around like a pinata, and scar him for life. The Babykeeper doesn't actually ship until September, so at the moment, it could really go either way.

You could pre-order the Babykeeper through Aug. 31 for $39.99, but with this level of brilliance, you should really offer to pay full price, $59.50 [ via ihatesnaps]


This seems suspiciously similar to the nail-through-the-dressing-gown maneuver that Popeye employed with SweetPea.

[it seems like I've also seen it in the trailer for some dumb no-way!-man-takes-care-of-children! movie, too. Whether it starred Vin Diesel or Eddie Murphy, though, I cannot say. -ed.]

Make the straps from bungee cord material and you've got a product there.

Sounds like they stole this from I game I play with my baby. I call it "duct tape." That's where Mommy goes out for happy juice and you tape that kid to the wall or bed depending on the time.

I can't decide which is funnier - your post or the thought of a baby ACTUALLY hanging on a bathroom door. Either way, I am smiling out loud.

Please don't be too annoyed with the name of my blog. Please. I guess we should have named it 5 Minutes for Parents. But we went for alliteration. Cheap I know. Sorry!

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