April 24, 2006

Wai Lana, Clown Princess Of Yoga

wailana_yoga.jpgTwo words: Wai Lana?? I didn't even know about this PBS yoga show until this morning, when a random Noggin story about a lost puppy sent the kid into inconsolably weepy convulsions. We'd just decided last night that her language is really outracing her ability to reason and process things, and that's why we get so frustrated explaining stuff to her. So rather than try and explain that, if we only watch this sad sad sad story long enough, the puppy will find his mommy, and everything'll be fine, I just started flipping channels, hoping to get back to zero, at least.

Then, like a vision, a yoga mat appeared on a rocky Hawaiian shore. On it was a woman wearing what I can only describe as a baggy Haiwaiian print clown jumpsuit, with a giant flowery headband, and dark pink triangles painted on her cheeks. She started doing a combination hula/yoga dance, and the screen began dissolving into closeups of a relentlessly colorful, idyllic flower garden. Then some rainbows. Then more clown yoga. Then waterfalls, then more flowers. Then the yoga clown surrounded by beaming children. [The
TV show preview is pretty close.]

Honestly, it was the most unabashedly surreal, psychedelic thing I've seen on TV in years. And not that Austin Powers, ironic trippiness, either. Wai Lana. The fooling nobody pseudo-commercials confirmed that it was PBS, but the web empire of Wai Lana has plenty of swag for sale. Including a kid-sized yoga mat, 24x60, which I've literally been looking for for months [whassupwiddat, people?].

Oh, and the kid? She blissed right up, and we turned off the TV without a fuss.

Wai Lana Yoga: The TV Series [wailana.com]
Little Yogis [tm] Yoga Mat, $19.99 [wailana.com]


I inexplicably received a free Wai Lana CD through work. Thought, great, maybe the little guy will enjoy this! Truly, the music is, to my mind, unlistenable. Psychedelic, yes, but it is much more than that. Maybe the visuals on TV help distract....

I'm a big yoga fan myself and can't even watch that show for 10 seconds before I get embarassed for the entire universe and have to switch the channel. She is seriously loopy. As if her costume wasn't enough, her voice is totally bizarre. If I ever take up hard drugs, she'll be my TV of choice. Until then, keep the clown princess out of my home!

[honestly, I do my share of yoga, and 90% of what she does is not yoga. It's like McDonald's orange drink compared to orange juice. It's not yoga, it's "yoga-flavored." Still, it makes for fascinating television. -ed.]

Wailana's style of yoga is absolutely authentic and has helped my mother greatly recover from a car accident. She is showing people that yoga can also be fun and she has a following of millions of people just in the US, what to speak worldwide. I don't know why you have to bash her. If you don't like her, you can still be respectful.

Why are you so negative? When was the last time you had a bit of fun?

This skank needs to die the most painful death ever exacted on a human being in the history of man's existence. She is a God-forsaken clownwhore that actually finds ways of scamming money out of the average american idiot. Have you not looked at this piece of heinous-ity? Have you not been appalled by her fire and jizz retardant space suit? Have you not heard her inflammatory voice tone and her "I suck deeck fo' too dolla" immigrant accent?

If you or anyone actually reveres this piece of human shit, if anyone stands up and claps for the bitch, then I will patiently await for life to deliever pancreatic cancer upon you, and your loved ones.

Hate, death and pain.

whoa, sounds like someone could use some yoga.

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