March 6, 2006

A Note To The Makers Of Jell-O

jello_letters.jpgIn this season of sickness and flu, my family has rediscovered your fine product, Jell-O brand gelatin dessert, which offers a light, refreshing, easy-to-digest, fun-to-eat diversion from our otherwise saltine-flavored existence. I do have some comments, however:

  • I don't care how sick I am, or how well positioned the sneeze guard may appear, I will still not buy Jell-O from the salad bar at the Korean deli. I know this has little to do with you folks at Kraft; I'm just saying.
  • The serve Jell-O in hospitals, so it must be good for you, right? WRONG. It turns out there's abso-friggin-lutely no nutritional value AT ALL in your product. At best, it's sugar. At worst, it's synapse-pickling aspartame. Your customers are under the impression that Jell-O has at least some benefit, like protein, or vitamins, or--anything. Would it kill you to throw something in? It's not like your company doesn't have extremely advanced additive management technology at its disposal...Altria *cough* Phillip Morris *cough cough*.
  • The bright colors do make puking as fun as it's gonna get, so you've got the anmin-dofu guys beat there for sure.
  • And finally, and most importantly, to a generation of parents who grew up eating Jolly Ranchers and Now 'N Laters, watermelon or green apple-flavored Jell-O is not X-TREME! as you purport; it is normal.


    sugar free jello is where it's at. sugar free, but still OH SO YUMMY!

    Funny, I thought all the vitamins and minerals came from the Everclear add-in.

    [see? Innovation right there. -ed.]

    I can see you know mixing in some of the Nyquil in the kids Jello... same color... who knew?

    Tylenol should put medicine in it ... like they're doing with the lolipops.

    I may never eat Jello again... thank you...


    But then again, I haven't really been able to eat it since having my wisdom teeth taken out. I think I lived on that, mashed potatoes and creamed soups for two weeks *bleh*

    Hope you guys are feeling better, the actual flu (influenza I suppose) is spreading like wildfire around these parts!

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