February 11, 2005

Meltdown: Can I Get A Second Opinion?

We join Eric and Jen in the middle of 3-week-old Hayes's (aka the HBomb) first official meltdown:

The phone rang. It was a doctor or nurse or nurse practitioner or doctor nurse or something returning Jen's call. Jen explained the situation to the whoever.

Hayes hadnít been sleeping, was incolsolable, wouldnít eat, etc. The nurse-whatever said Jen sounded tired and the best thing to do was to ñ GET THIS ñ involve her husband so Jen could get some rest. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I guess she was going to have to get me off the couch with my Bud Light and nachos and tear me away from the Celtics to make me help her. Yup. Right. I canít possible be the only man in the Boston area that this woman has heard of who is taking an active part in his childís life.

Once THAT was straightened out--and the doctor was sent back to update her AAP memos about involved dads--they got this advice: "Try to calm him down, feed him and then get him straight to bed. (Marge:'Ok Homer, youíre over stimulated, letís get some beer in you and get you straight to bed.' Homer: 'Beer! Beer! Beer! Bed! Bed! Bed!') It worked."


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