Mallory Ortberg's insidious rewrite of The Runaway Bunny is so terrifyingly awesome, it might finally break that damn book's treacly stranglehold on our culture. Deep down, I know Margaret Wise Brown would approve. You KNOW Clement Hurd does:
"If you become a sailboat and sail away from me,"The Runaway Bunny [the-toast via @ftrain]
said his mother, "I will become the wind
and blow you where I want you to go.
I will give you no rest. I will never relent.
I will be trade winds and doldrums alike,
and I will pursue you with torments and storms
From the top of the world to the bottom,
and you will never know a moment's peace.
I would swallow my own heart before I let you escape."