Oh hi, Park Slope mom who left your stroller parked, unattended--and laden with $700 worth of tote bags, iPhones, wallets, keys, and bougies--on the street outside your home daycare for half an hour.
Did you just have a baby? If so, how's it going?
No? Are you pregnant? If so, how's that going?
No? Then seriously, what part of Mayberry do you think you're living in, that you could leave all that stuff on the street and not have it stolen?
Because if I were walking by--hell, if I were driving by--and saw your bag hanging there, I'd take it myself.
And if I couldn't figure out where you'd wandered off to, I'd probably leave you a note, or else just mail it back to you. And then I'd blog about it.
Not that this post should be interpreted as a sign that I took your bag last week, and hallelujah, it's coming back to you. Because I did not, and it is not. Sorry.