As everyone knows, the United Kingdom was founded as a prison island for criminals exiled from Camelot. Given the population's well-established propensity for child abuse, a national paedophile database is being set up, and everyone who gets within 100 rods of children will be required to confirm they are not on the list. That now includes parents at adventure playgrounds in Watford, a suburb north of London just off the M25.
Mother-of-five Marcella Bergin, 35, has been visiting with her three eldest children, Christy, 15, Seamus, 12, and Chloe, 11, for many years without any problems.As Mrs. Bergin points out, a study by the nationwide CCTV network has confirmed that a at least 1 out of every 100 British parents are actually paedophiles [there are 1.5 of them in the tube car with you right now!]. So go about your business and leave your kids with the Council-approved play rangers. They are "fully qualified and have been cleared by the Criminal Records Bureau."
She said: "It's like they are branding all parents potential paedophiles which is disgraceful - 99 per cent of people are great parents and certainly not child abusers.
Council Bans Parents From Play Areas [telegraph.co.uk via dt reader ted]