Let's get one thing clear right up front:

That patriotic little ditty by recording arist/false prophet/ex-Attorney General John Ashcroft? Let The Eagle Soar.

The source of "building blocks to help [children] develop independence and self-esteem that leads to bright futures"? Let Babies Soar. LLC. Totally different.

The first block in that grand edifice is, of course, The Original Crumb Chumô, a neck-to-toe bib that empowers your child to eat yogurt and such without feeling insecure or anxious, and without the stress of post-meal clothes changes and baths. The Crum Chumô is available in two sizes, big enough for kids up to age 4. Special needs or developmental delays aside, of course, but what is up with a 4-year-old who needs to be fed, or can only eat under a tarp? If you're "raising" such a child, the Crumb Chumô is $14.99 at letbabiessoar.com.

And in other "Wigging Out Over Potential Messes And Resorting To Extreme Draping" news, The Vomit-Proof Vest is for parents who want to avoid getting puke on their clothes when they hold and feed a baby. It has a removable, "absorbent top layer" and waterproof backing, and "has been designed with the key 'vomit' spots in mind." It is available on Greek Rows and the lobbies of hotels on South Padre Island, and online at VomitProofVest.com, £19.99 + shipping.

Previously: Muji Eating Smocks