June 24, 2005

RE: Your Wife's (&c.) Perineum

epi-no.jpgPerhaps the most uncomfortable moment in our pre-natal class was when the not-unsympathetic-but-still-all-business nurse instructed a roomful of pairs of strangers that we should include perineal massage like this--she then held her hand up, Heisman-style, and started working her fingers back and forth, seemingly forever, along the crook of her outstretched thumb--in our foreplay.

Well, then, thanks for sharing.

In the spirit of paying it forward, then, I share this Junior Magazine article, which you should feel free to pass along to any pregnant woman of your intimate acquaintance. It goes into considerable detail on the proper pre-, during, and post- maintenance and care of "your [sic] undercarriage," including a slightly excited discussion of the Epi-No, a "revolutionary new pelvic floor trainer" [hint: it's not inflated when you take it out of the, um, packaging.]:

If you manage a bit of perineal massage and still have time (and money) for more preparation, you could always try a new contraption called the epi-no. The idea is that you insert the epi-no, which looks like a deflated balloon, into your vagina and then blow it up a bit more each day, to stretch the area in readiness for the big stretch of childbirth. Twenty minutesí stretching each day is recommended, so if youíre using an epi-no and doing perineal massage youíll need to have serious time to invest in your perineum. On the other hand, youíll almost certainly feel itís been worth it if you make it to the postnatal ward with an intact undercarriage.
As with any serious investment decision, consult your financial advisor first.

Women's Health: What Lies Beneath [juniormagazine.co.uk]
Read up on the Epi-No, or buy it for $AU179 (est, $US135). I'm betting this doesn't make a good surprise gift.

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