December 12, 2013

'The Longer The Road There, The Less Chance You Have Of Arriving.'

Jonathan Gourlay writes beautifully about his son's birth, and about walking in the woods:

It is interesting how, in the doctor's notes, Resuscitation Table is capitalized. As if it were the capital of the state of Resuscitation, a place you could find on a map. The longer the road there, the less chance you have of arriving.

"Positive pressure ventilation had been started by 30 seconds of life."

30 seconds of life.

The child has caught his breath for 30 seconds.

The child is waiting. Deciding.

The mother begins shaking uncontrollably on the metal table--some combination of shock and drugs. The father stays on his stool, clasping her hand. The breathless boy is in another room. The father cannot go to him.

He is imagining the boy made a choice.

The father is imagining there is some darkness he can't quite see or understand, a shadow person, and that shadow is the father to the child and this is why the boy decided not to breathe.

And he writes a bit about Andrew Solomon's book, Far From The Tree. These people and their intense writing, I feel like I can barely put together a blockquote some days.

Born, Still []

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