June 7, 2008

Speaking Of Pooh, Or The Five-Wiper

The one-L lama, he's a priest,
The two-L llama, he's a beast,
And I will bet a silk pajama
There isn't any three-L lllama.*

* The author's attention has been drawn to a type of conflagration known as a three-alarmer. Pooh.
-- Ogden Nash, The Bad Parents' Garden of Verse.

I guess I always assumed that a "three alarm fire" meant that crews and equipment came from three fire stations. But according to discussion at Wikipedia, the fire-rating system is different at fire departments around the country. In some cities, it refers to the number of times the dispatcher sounds an alarm and puts out calls for more responders. In other cases, it can refer to pre-determined levels of response:

According to WRC-TV in Washington, D.C., on a first alarm the city's fire department "sends 5 fire engines, 2 ladder trucks, one rescue squad and one fire chief. This is call a box alarm. If the fire is confirmed, it becomes a one-alarm fire meaning one more engine, one more ladder truck, one battalion fire chief and one ambulance. A two-alarm fire brings 4 more engines, 2 more ladder trucks, 1 more fire chief and EMS equipment, in all about 110 firefighters and 45 pieces of equipment. 3 alarms brings 4 more engines and 2 more ladder trucks. Four alarms signals a huge fire and the department sends much of the equipment it has available.
Which is all just background for my question: is there an accepted way to rate a diaper? I mean, you could say a blowout's a blowout, but there are different blast patterns, different numbers of layers--and people--affected, etc.

Or is the equipment mobilized to respond--i.e., the number of wipes, the changes of clothes, new changing pads--a better gauge? Because I just woke up to a 5-wiper. And not any of these dainty, "wipe&toss, wipe&toss" wipes, either. Those first four wipes were full.

Related: blowout damage control tips: Onesie down, not up; put the kid on his stomach first; roll the Onesie in on itself as you go [parenthacks]


We used a 10-point scale, but there was one diaper that was so horrific that we rated it off the scale. We'd just gotten off a 10 hour flight, and changed the baby at the airport - no problem. That's because he'd been saving it. We got home, jetlagged and exhausted, and *that's* when it happened. Ugh.

My four-and-a-half month old boy rarely stays in the diaper. We also use the term "blowout" for this. He generally goes up the back.

So I change onesies about as often as I change diapers. Dragging a poop covered onesie over his head (which often leaves crap everywhere) has made me less than enthusiastic about clothes that don't open in front.

For the big ones we say "Honey, it's a Cup-O-Poop."

The Saffir-Simpson hurricane scale... category 5 is a complete blow-out, up the back, out the legs, resulting in clothing change for parent and child and a bath for both. Yum.

We always went with the number of wipes used. Worst we've had was a 4-wiper, though.

Have I mentioned how happy I am that our three are all potty trained? Happiness is having that last partial bag of unused diapers to donate to the church nursery. Yay!

I think of it on a percentile basis. Up to about the 80th percentile is no big deal. 81-95th percentile is gross, but manageable. Above 95 percentile is just awful, and Lord, that 1 in 100 diaper will just kill you...

Do you know, this just makes me writhe in joy that I won't have to do this for a while.
The smallest person in our house has just started eating enough non-milk food that her poo is solid enough to be pinged off the nappy straight into the loo. It's bliss.

We use Code Brown Levels. More info here.

We just used the term 'pooplosion' when things got messy!

I have used the # of wipes to gauge. We had a 5-wipe poop taco yesterday (ok, it's gross but poop gets all over right? And with girls, it looks like a poop taco sometimes... or maybe a chalupa).

I found a great tidbit of advice in one of those annoying baby books, and it has saved me quite a few articles of clothing. When you find you're all of a sudden having a couple too many atomic/escapee poops, go up one size in the diaper (forget what the package sizing says). Strap that diapee up around the kids waist if you have too (in order to close up leak gaps around the legs), you will thank me.

Worst ever: 4-month old on my lap, has audible, I stand to transfer to couch for diaper change and look down to see poo dripping off my jeans. At our house, its a blowout if its runny, a man-poo if its hard.

Thanks for posting all. What a waste of time. I'll stay childfree, while you deal with shit.

No, thank you. if only all dicks were so considerate about not breeding, the world my kids inherit would be a better place.

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