December 4, 2007

Discontinuation Of Dodge Magnum Somehow Signals End Of Station Wagon Era

With the discontinuation of the family pimp's whip of choice, the Dodge Magnum, MSNBC has declared the death of the station wagon:

Car makers rushed to meet the anticipated demand with a flood of new models like the Dodge Magnum, the Chevrolet Malibu Maxx and wagon versions of many European and Japanese sedans.

But that fantasy was no more realistic than Chevy Chase eyeing Christie Brinkley in her Ferrari from his Wagonqueen Family Truckster in National Lampoon’s “Vacation.”

Lucky we didn't get trampled in that rush: Toyota and Honda have both been out of the US wagon market for almost a decade; Mercedes dropped the C-Class wagon from the US lineup two years ago. And yet, I think Audi has introduced something like 49 "wagon versions" of its cars in the third quarter alone. And VW and Volvo...never mind, made up news. Let's just run with it. What, oh great news network, is the cause of the Family Truckster's short-circuited recovery?

Crossovers [aka, taller wagons], "that reliable bogeyman the mortgage market"--and tinted window regulations [SUV's can have them, wagons can't]. Which makes absolutely no sense, of course, since every single Dodge Magnum wagon in existence has windows dark enough to hide a dead hooker.

The American wagon beats a retreat [msnbc]


Perhaps this story was planted by the SUV cabal, in retaliation for all of the "death of the SUV" stories we've seen in the press lately. With both SUVs and wagons out of fashion according as declared by the authorities at MSNBC, maybe you'll finally convince Mercedes to import the B class after all.

Don't forget, the Holden Monaro, er, Pontiac G8 wagon is supposedly confirmed... that's a pretty significant addition to the GM lineup. (I want it because I think it would be funny to roll up next to a new Camaro owner at a stoplight and say, "Hey, we have the same car, technically!")

At any rate, I honestly don't know anyone who considered the Magnum as a family car... in my mind that thing is for retirees who need to haul stuff, and of course, rental fleets.

Maybe they should have advertised it as the daddest station wagon around instead of a stupid crossover.

The Magnum was never true utility like a wagon should be.

Honda has never left the wagon market. They took their old wagons and boosted them to look like trucks. They don't actually have more space, but they look like they do. I miss my old Wagovan. Just say no to the CRV.

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