January 1, 2006

A Sleepless First Month For Ben Affleck's Publicists

OK, we all know that as a film, Jersey Girl sucked; so why are they re-releasing it as a series of anecdotes in a bunch of celebrity parenting magazines?

  • A week after the kid arrives, a "family friend" says, "Ben has been changing diapers. He's an amazing father...I don't know if I've ever seen anybody happier. He's already wrapped around Violet's little finger." [People via cbb]

  • But honestly, who talks like this who doesn't write for a soap opera? "Insider": "He won't let her cry for a second. He cuddles her, rocks her and soothes her with gentle kisses." [Life & Style via cbb]

  • "my daddy is a hunk" onesies? [People via babychic101]
  • Affleck went to buy diaper wipes, had no money, and tried to sell his autograph "for a dollar" to another shopper to raise the dough. "Affleck eventually was bought the wipes by another shopper, who 'was rewarded with a grateful kiss.'" [InTouch via Slate]

    Forget peace on earth. I just want 2006 to be the year that a guy changing a diaper or buying some wipes doesn't automatically trigger saccharine sweet "The Perfectest Father Evar!" reactions like these.
    Previously: Jersey Girl = Abuse


    I've been trying to trade kisses for groceries for years, and all I got was a restraining order.

    Let's hope People writes it up the first time Violet pukes into his mouth.

    Tried to sell his autograph??!!? Egomaniacal Prick!!

    Yes, I'm sure he had no money. What a believable story.

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