August 3, 2005

Why Cry: The Electronic Baby Cry Analyzer

whycry.gifWhen you spend $120 on The Why Cry baby cry analyzer, you're not getting what looks like a remote control to an air conditioner in Toontown [Or, that's not all you're getting, anyway.] No, my friend, once you're able to identify scientifically which of the five reasons your baby is crying--boredom, discomfort, hunger, sleepiness, or stress-- what you'll be getting is "invaluable peace."

Or you will once the kid actually stops crying. My guess is, whichever of the five reasons it says, you're still gonna run through every possible tactic if the kid doesn't rest his pipes PDQ.

The Why Cry takes just 20 seconds to run the kid's bawling frequency, pitch, and whatnot through its top secret algorithm. And even if you spent that same 20 seconds studying your kid's reactions, it might take you several days, weeks even, to begin to understand him. And who has time for that these days?

The main Why Cry site asks, "How much would most parents give to know why do their babies cry?" If you answer to that question is "why, 66 pounds, at least," then click right on over to the UK site and have your credit card ready. [, via DT reader Mark]


boredom? seriously? with the whole world brand-new at every turn, and plastic-coated electronics constantly underfoot, I find it REALLY hard to believe a kid could get bored. where's the overstimulated button? or the "even I dont know why, just pick me up, dang it" switch?

I thought I read a few months ago that the company was getting sued/fined for being a total hoax? I think the "top secret algorithm" turned out to be just "pick a random one"...I'll see if I can find some old news link about it.

I wouldn't consider myself and expert, but I can't think of a single time when my baby cried with happiness (note the smiley face as one of the options).

Bystander: Your baby seems really upset. Is there something wrong?

Parent: Well, I would have thought so too, but my "Why Cry" indicates those are tears of joy.

Bwahahaha! Wasn't this an episode of the Simpson's ????

[lol, you're right. With Danny DeVito as Homer's bum brother. nice catch. -ed.]

And all the translations were in Danny DeVito's growly voice. Apropos a recent post, my favorite line from that Simpsons episode was the baby gurgle that translated as "This leash demeans us both."

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