October 24, 2004

Halloween Costumes For Bald Babies

I don't wanna sound like a hillbilly or nothin', but down the street at the National Zoo today, they had a big Halloween party for zoo members, and I swear, only one kid didn't have a store-bought costume. Back when I was a boy... but that's for another post.

Anyway, it hit me when I read Mary Elizabeth Williams' article about the trials of hip parenthood: the ideal Halloween costume for a baby should incorporate their baldness. Consider it a positive for once rather than a shortcoming (that requires fixing by taping bows to the kid's head).

Here's a quick list:

  • Moby (how you do this, I have no idea. Cloth shoes?)
  • Eminem (works best with a bit of blond fuzz)
  • Mini-me (MEW: because after all, isn't that what hipster parents want?)
  • A billiard ball. (Just get a fat yellow ribbon, wrap it around the kid's head, and paint a big nine on top. Dress them in dark green pajamas).
  • Blue Man Group. (Paint their whole head, or use a blue skull cap and paint just their face. And hands. I'm pretty sure blue food coloring is non-toxic and wears off long before the kid's pre-school interview. Add black pajamas.)


    I was thinking of bathing his head in orange foodcolor and he could go as a jack-o-lantern, but the Eminem idea is amusing and yet apalling at the same time. Perfect for Halloween!

    Or you could always do the Charlie Brown squiggle of hair drawn on their forhead and a yellow shirt with brown zig zag. Linus would work equally well.

    Unfortunately, my child was cursed with hair, I'm the only bald one in our family.

    We also took our 1-year old to Boo at the Zoo on Sunday night. I don't know about you, but I found the overwhelming and blatant advertising geared toward children just as offensive as the parade of store-bought costumes. Does my child really need to say "Twix or Treat?" or yell "Herr-ay for Herr's"?

    Just look at the program (http://nationalzoo.si.edu/ActivitiesandEvents/Celebrations/Boo/images/BooProgram.pdf) for a taste of the incredible and shameful onslaught of Halloween branding aimed at children and endorsed by the federal government!

    Side note: my wife and I really enjoy your blog. Do you think there's much of a DC readership out there?

    As a baby-toddler who was mistaken as a boy for a long time, my suggestion is that baby boys "dress up" as girl babies and vice versa.

    Other ideas:
    Kojak - turtleneck, lollipop (fake, like cloth)
    G Gordon Liddy - mustache, all in black
    Any balding hipster comic you can think of - David Cross, Todd Barry...

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