April 26, 2011

Hey Go The F**k To Sleep Guy, Publish Your F**king Book Already!

fk_to_sleep.jpg

I can't wait for Adam Mansbach and Ricardo Cortes' new children's parents' book, Go the F**k to Sleep to come out. Seriously.

No, seriously. October 11th?? I'm sure it's funny as all f**k and whatnot, but I'm serious. Get that shit off the publisher's desk and jump it to the front of the queue. Kindle that shit, I'll buy a Kindle right now. Throw it on lulu.com, it's done in like five minutes. Or gimme a f**king galley, I'll head down to The Strand after preschool dropoff. Why oh why'd they chase out those stolen book sellers from Columbus Circle, just when I need a f**king bedtime book that might actually put the kid to sleep in under three hours?

Oh right, that's assuming it f**king works. It DOES work, right? Because sympathy LOLZ ain't gonna give us our evenings back.

Preorder [!?] Go the F**k to Sleep on Amazon [amazon]
Yeah, I wish you'd written it, too, Oz, cuz maybe it'd be out now: The Children's Book I Wish I'd Written [babble]

5 Comments

I'll meet you at Columbus Circle in half an hour with a printout, but you CAN'T SHOW ANYONE. And if that doesn't work, I'll personally come to your house and do the most boring puppet show ever.

Seriously, though, thanks for the love. The frightening, rage-filled love.

As a nanny, baby sitter and big sister - I've seen parents struggle with putting their kids to sleep and find it PATHETIC! You are the reason your child won't go to sleep. Stop giving in to the games and entertaining their sleep procrastinating tirades and they WILL go to sleep.

Here's a simple routine (if you've been a weakling parent at the sleep game for a while, it make take a few weeks for your kid to realize you mean business):

1. Lay down the law, AND MEAN IT. Tell them what's going to happen: We are reading one chapter, 15 minutes (set a nice, pleasantly buzzing timer).

2. When time/chapter is up: good night, I love you, sweet dreams.

3. AND LEAVE THE DAMN ROOM. Don't give into the cries or please for more reading, water or peeing. If they get out of bed, silently walk them back into the room EVERY time. Don't say a word, don't give in.

If you want a restful night's sleep, grow some backbone and stop falling for a 6-year old's cunning moves.

@Kristi: That's all fine and good, but until you're actually a parent, you have NO IDEA! I love how people without children of their own are so quick to dish out parenting advice.

Thanks, Kristi, for your inapplicable advice. In our case, the kid is 3, not six, and is having sleep problems because she is beginning to give up her nap, and thus disrupt her routine. And because she is beginning to realize when one parent or the other has to travel and is thus not around at bedtime sometimes. But then, your annoyance and advice seem to be related more to whomever you're working for and/or your own parents. So good luck with that.

http://www.dagnabit.tv/ChildrenBook/ I wonder if we change the name of our picture book from "DAGNABIT!" to "F**K!" if it'll goose the publishing prospects.

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