April 2, 2008

David Cronenberg Would Definitely Approve: Vintage Thumbsucking Guard On eBay

thumbsucking_guard_ebay.JPG

We're just at the stage where we wish/hope the new kid will learn how to suck her thumb and self-soothe, but instead of giving her the chance, we usually seem to take the instant pacification route by plugging the pacifier back in.

So it's a bit of a stretch to imagine wanting to stop a kid from sucking her thumb. And it's beyond me to imagine wanting it so bad, you'd tie a freaky-looking thumb cage on her hand. [Apparently, you thread ribbons through the heart-shaped loops at the bottom, and tie it onto the kid's wrist.]

What I can imagine, though--because I've seen Crash, and a disturbingly sexy Rosanna Arquette getting down with her giant leg brace--is that this thing could have substantial long-term effects that the average toddler's parent doesn't even want to contemplate.

If you want to nurture your kid's fetishistic side, though, this puppy's on eBay for another three days.

vintage 1934 CHILD thumbguard stop thumb suck trainer, auction ends apr 5, first bid $20+5.50s/h [ebay via andy]

3 Comments

Wow, that would be hilarious if it wasn't a real vintage device. Fetish is right, does it come with whips and chains and things?
I often find it quite odd how past generations seemed to be so ignorant, or just merely dumb when it came to building things: such as that device, and the 60-70's era bathtubs which are barely large enough for our baby's let alone a 6 foot person, theater seats which were short narrow and too close to the seat in front, one story homes, metal roller skate wheeels, and glass condiment bottles, etc.. and the belief that men weren't good homemakers.

That thumb-proof-sucking-device gets funnier the more i think about it.

As S&M as that seems, I have to say that $30 device would probably have saved my parents about $5,000 in dental mess and orthodontia.

Are you sure that's not one of the entries from the champagne cork/designer chair contest?! Yikes.

We've actually looked at the contemporary versions of this monster and they're not any better- basically a giant plastic thimble/splint that locks onto your kid's wrist. I'm hoping Roo grows out of thumbsucking before kindergarten, her pretty teeth are already starting to tilt. And I do wish her brother would take it up because he's anti-paci like his big sis was but apparently has no other self-soothing devices. Just mommy.

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