Whether you have a farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngong Hills or a cabin in Deer Valley on the way to Stein Eriksen Lodge, you don't have to hide your kid away in the sleeping wing anymore. Thanks to Victoria Staten's unique combination of sleek-n-rustic, you can have the au pair bring the baby downstairs, and place him in any of three thoughtfully non-hideous pieces of gear.
A former exec at Kenneth Cole, Staten's line of baby gear products is made of solid maple with a buttery, golden finish and a supple, washable fabric that wraps your mind in your favorite, old, non-leather bomber jacket.
With the playard, baby seat, and high chair all nestle comfortably near the river rock fireplace in your cathedral ceilinged great room with the reclaimed timber beams--OK, maybe the high chair is in your kitchen with the heart pine cabinets and the polished concrete counters (granite is so Y2K)--your eyes and your progeny will never suffer the aesthetic slings and arrows of injection-molded plastic. [Do you think I could ever get my dream job in the lucrative and exciting ad copy-writing industry?]
Whatever, unless you're already hooked up with a sophisticated West Side look, Victoria Staten's may be the first baby gear that requires you to redesign your house around it. And considering what it costs to recover that sofa in mohair, $675 for a playard and and $425 for a high chair seem like rounding errors. And besides, did you see the awesome hardware on that baby carrier and baby chair? Brentwood earth goddess and bling, baby. The matching drawer pulls alone would cost five grand.
Also, there's a sleek not-leather manbag that may or may not come with a sleek, non-leather changing pad. Camel cashmere sweater not included.
Victoria Staten Baby Gear [victoriastaten.com]
Polished concrete counters are so 2006. I'll take my coal countertops (with an antique lithography stone island) thank you.
Is it weird that the models are black for such an upscale product.
And, dude, why do the black couple have a white baby?
I'm confused.
[At least you don't have to worry about how to tell us that because of the unfreezing process, you have no inner monologue. Because we already know. -ed.]
Wow, k., that's the most offensive comment I think I've ever read here.
[let me introduce you to some of my penguin friends. -ed.]
Best.comeback.ever.
Now back to moderately overpriced baby-product lust.
I would like to take a moment and reflect on the term "playard". At first, I thought, "is that a typo?" (
"play" + "ard", or "pla" + "yard"? Either way, it's a FREAKIN' *PEN*. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, INDUSTRIAL BABY COMPLEX.
Wait, in the midst of posting, Google tells me that someone else has done this rant already, and better than I am doing. Here:
Parenting Observations: playard vs playpen
looking at the website, im not sure how i feel about the material, and its not like i can afford it anyway, but i like the idea of a 'carrier bag' that attaches to the 'carrrier'. would solve a lot of problems around here.