Here's the scenario:
You run a small ad agency in Philadelphia. Your kid's 5. You're wife's pregnant. You apply to be on The Apprentice with the recently-released-from-prison Martha Stewart. Then you audition. Then you audition again. Then you make the cut. You find out the taping falls right around your wife's due date. What do you do? WAIT, don't answer yet.
You claim to love "experimental pop" like Lennon, Cobain, and Farrell; you "crave" rare techno like Bent; and you also love Justin Timberlake's latest. You ALSO "love Mark Burnett's reality stable [because it] really focuses on the human relationship," and you "consider it a great launching point" for your "real life business relationships."
You don't like reading non-fiction, only biographies of your favorite "war strategists," like Patton and MacArthur [uh, how'd that one turn out, btw?]. Your favorite movies include Fight Club and The Matrix.
You say your "Most 'Martha' quality is not your problems with authority, your arrogance, your unsupported and outsized self-regard, or your apparent lack of self-awareness, but your "attention to detail!" And then you proceed to misspell "immpeccible" and "haricot vert" in the next two sentences.
OK. NOW you can answer: Do you go on the show? F-in' A, you go on the show! Sun Tzu would go on the show, dude!
And when the wife goes into labor during taping what do you do? That's right, you use your successful management principles to "get your team excited," and you motivate your wife to accomplish her "task." By talking to her on the phone. On national television.
And when the show airs and people get to watch you being an insufferable tool who skips the birth of his child to suck up for a contractor position designing K-mart sheet packaging for an ex-con? You face facts, man: you're a freakin' idiot. An idiot named Jim.