October 10, 2005

Apprentice Dad Skips Birth To Suck Up To Martha Stewart

Here's the scenario:

You run a small ad agency in Philadelphia. Your kid's 5. You're wife's pregnant. You apply to be on The Apprentice with the recently-released-from-prison Martha Stewart. Then you audition. Then you audition again. Then you make the cut. You find out the taping falls right around your wife's due date. What do you do? WAIT, don't answer yet.

You claim to love "experimental pop" like Lennon, Cobain, and Farrell; you "crave" rare techno like Bent; and you also love Justin Timberlake's latest. You ALSO "love Mark Burnett's reality stable [because it] really focuses on the human relationship," and you "consider it a great launching point" for your "real life business relationships."

You don't like reading non-fiction, only biographies of your favorite "war strategists," like Patton and MacArthur [uh, how'd that one turn out, btw?]. Your favorite movies include Fight Club and The Matrix.

apprentice_jim.jpgYou say your "Most 'Martha' quality is not your problems with authority, your arrogance, your unsupported and outsized self-regard, or your apparent lack of self-awareness, but your "attention to detail!" And then you proceed to misspell "immpeccible" and "haricot vert" in the next two sentences.

OK. NOW you can answer: Do you go on the show? F-in' A, you go on the show! Sun Tzu would go on the show, dude!

And when the wife goes into labor during taping what do you do? That's right, you use your successful management principles to "get your team excited," and you motivate your wife to accomplish her "task." By talking to her on the phone. On national television.

And when the show airs and people get to watch you being an insufferable tool who skips the birth of his child to suck up for a contractor position designing K-mart sheet packaging for an ex-con? You face facts, man: you're a freakin' idiot. An idiot named Jim.

The Apprentice Week Three recap [blogcritics.org, via dt readers Veronica and John]
Jim, Age: 36, Occupation: Ad Executive [nbc.com via dt reader veronica]

6 Comments

"You face facts, man: you're a freakin' idiot. An idiot named Jim." A freakin' idiot who is probably about to get served with divorce papers.

Just saw this in his Q&A:

3. What did you quit/leave/sacrifice to join the Apprentice show?
My second daughter's birth, my first daughter's 5th birthday. My 7th wedding anniversary. Left my sole proprietary business. And my soul, its was marginal to begin with so it was't a big deal. (sorry, I think he meant to add that).

[Ack, how did I miss that? thanks. -ed.]

cheese-us. i hate that guy so much, but he makes the show worth watching because i am just waiting to see when he finally loses it and jumps headfirst off the roof of Martha's Omnimedia building.

Yeah, thMom and I both hate that guy, but when that happened we started to actually loathe him. Look what happens when you have f'd up priorities...you go on national tv and make a fool out of yourself.

Jim is such a jerk in general that I can't imagine he's going to make it very far on the show. I couldn't believe that he wasn't with his wife when she was due to give birth (especially since I'm due to give birth any day now and I would KILL my husband if he even joked about not being there for the delivery). BUT his wife married him and must be used to his decisions or maybe she doesn't care or maybe she's a jerk too. Maybe she thinks he has a good chance at winning and plans to divorce him and get half of his prizes and new salary.

If that guy was my DAD, I would be pretty pissed once I found out, whether he won or not. If he does end up winning by some stroke of luck, I hope he gets a job like the sexist ones offered to the women at the end of last season's Donald Apprentice.

By the way, I used to work at the Starrett-Lehigh building, where the contestants live. It is REALLY out of the way... like 26th and 11th or 12th Avenue and deserted. But I guess they're not taking the subway to work like normal people.

[I hope they don't have to ride the elevator, either; once all the dotcoms and biatch lifestyle companies *cough Martha cough* moved in, it started taking forever. -ed.]

The wife should stay married long enough to see if he'll make any money off the Martha show, then divorce his arse and take half the haul!

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