In an even funnier world, this shirt from The Onion would come with little cards pre-printed with info on the local Social Services hotline, which you would pass out to all your neighbors, relatives, and colleagues, who would proceed to chuckle uncomfortably as they toss the cards in the trash, but not before memorizing the number.
Buy an I'm going to be the worst father ever T-Shirt for $14 at The Onion. [The Onion, via JJ, who, I'm sure, just stumbled across it.]
PS If anyone needs to know, I'm a Large.
